What to Say (and What Not to Say) to Your Athlete Before a Big Game

As a parent or coach, you want nothing more than to see your athlete succeed—not just in terms of winning but in growing, enjoying the game, and developing confidence. It’s natural to want to offer advice and motivation before a big game or competition. However, even well-meaning words can sometimes add unintended pressure or anxiety to an athlete. So, let’s take a look at some common phrases to avoid and explore more supportive alternatives that can help your athlete feel ready to perform their best.

Words to Avoid Before Game Day

There are phrases we might say in the heat of the moment that, while intended to encourage, may actually add stress. Here are some common ones to keep in mind:

• Push through
• Suck it up
• What’s wrong with you?
• Relax
• So-and-so will be there today
• You’d better play well
• Try not to do [specific mistake] again
• You need to do more of [specific action] today
• Don’t let your team down
• You have to win this game
• You should’ve practiced more
• Don’t make any mistakes out there
• Just ignore your nerves
• You need to prove yourself today

While these phrases may sound motivating on the surface, they can often lead athletes to feel as though they need to meet unrealistic expectations. Phrases like “don’t let your team down” or “you need to prove yourself” can feel like heavy burdens to a young athlete. The goal is to keep your words light, supportive, and focused on things they can actually control.

Positive Phrases to Boost Your Athlete’s Confidence

Instead, try focusing on supportive phrases that remind your athlete of their capabilities, the fun of the game, and the things they can control. Here are some alternatives to keep in your back pocket:

• How are you feeling today?
  This simple question opens the door for your athlete to express any pre-game nerves, excitement, or anything on their mind, letting them know it’s okay to feel however they feel.
• It’s totally normal to feel nerves—that shows it’s important to you, and that’s a good thing!
  Acknowledging nerves as a positive sign can help them embrace and channel that energy constructively.
• Remember, you can channel that energy however you want. What would you like to do with it right now?
  This reinforces their power over their own response and gives them ownership of their performance.
• Focus on what you have control over—effort and attitude. How you choose to respond. None of those other things matter.
  Emphasizing effort and attitude over outcome is empowering, giving athletes a sense of control and resilience.
• Your body knows what to do—you’ve been playing for years and can do this in your sleep! So let your body do its thing.
  Reminding them of their training and skills can alleviate pressure, helping them trust themselves and rely on muscle memory.
• Lean into your tools and routines (pre-game and recovery routines for when nerves get high or after a mistake).
  This is a gentle nudge toward routines and tools they’ve practiced, helping them re-center during intense moments.
• Take it one play at a time and give it everything you’ve got, one play at a time.
  This advice reinforces focus on the present moment, helping them to avoid getting overwhelmed.
• And no matter what, we love you. We are SO proud of you, and we love watching you have FUN—so go have fun!!
  This ultimate reminder that their worth doesn’t depend on the outcome can release some of the pressure they may feel, allowing them to focus on enjoying the game.

Why Your Words Matter

Athletes, especially young ones, often look to the adults in their lives for validation and encouragement. As a parent or coach, your words have the power to build confidence and mental resilience, reminding them that they’re more than just the outcome of a single game. By focusing on effort, attitude, and experience, you help them to manage nerves, keep perspective, and find joy in playing.

Additional Resources for Supporting Your Athlete

If you’d like more tips and strategies to support your athlete’s mental game, I offer a Family Membership with exclusive resources tailored for both parents and athletes. Through the membership, you’ll gain tools to help your athlete build confidence, overcome setbacks, and develop a resilient mindset. Whether they’re just starting or well into their sports journey, the skills they learn will be valuable both on and off the field.

Ready to support your athlete’s mental game? Click here to learn more about the Family Membership. Or send me an email at [email protected] to learn more about ways for your athlete to work with me this season!